Thursday, May 10, 2007

Not really an attachment parent?

So, all along for my daughter's almost three years of her life and my son's seven months (today), I have thought of myself as an attachment parent. However, according to an Attachment Parent International (API for short) news letter, I have come to discover that I'm not. I don't do tantrums. I can't stand them. My personal idea on tantrums is that every person has the right and reason to cry. Babies cry all the time, and we listen because they can't communicate. However, I feel that it is important to help children use their words and find other ways of communicating instead of tantrums. It is not acceptable behavior for an adult to have a tantrum. When do we learn that tantrums aren't acceptable? We learn that hitting and biting aren't acceptable behaviors from a young age. When do we learn about tantrums? I feel like tantrums should be learned right along with other things.

I do however feel like it's OK to cry or be angry. We just have to find the right ways of behaving when we're sad or angry. If my kids want to cry and throw fits, that's fine with me. They just can't ruin things for the rest of everyone. They are welcome to throw a fit. However, they have to do it in their rooms. When my two year old starts throwing a fit, I tell her, "You're welcome to throw a fit. Just go to your room and do it." Now, sometimes when she wants to cry, she goes to her room first and then starts to cry and throw a fit. The Attachment Parenting letter that went out stated that children can't reason when they're angry. If we don't teach them to reason when they're angry, when do they learn it? We have to learn to reason when we're angry before we kill someone or truly hurt someone.

Therefore, although I agree with SO many (Almost all) of the API ideals of parenting. I'm not truly, completely, an Attachment Parent. I just can't sit and watch Jackie throw a fit and then be sympathetic to it later.

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