Friday, August 31, 2007

School Days. . . Already?

I should have written about this last night, but after my mammoth post about my Dr. appointment, I didn't get it in. We attended the open house for Jackie's preschool last night. She was in her element. She went right in, started playing with the toys, and had a BLAST! I however, did not have as much fun. Some of it may have had to do with the fact that I felt like the floor was going to fall out from underneath me, but I really think that it had more to do with the questions running 90 miles an hour through my mind. Is she really old enough for school? How will she get along with the other kids? What in the world am I doing sending my little girl off for someone else to watch her and teacher her 12 hours a week. It's my responsibility.

Some of these questions are absolutely ridiculous. How will she get along with the other kids? Great. She loves to play with other kids, and having 12 hours per week where she gets to hang out with kids her own age will be like a dream come true for my socially adept three year old. However, I feel that some of the other questions and reservations have merit. Is she really old enough for school? Yes, she probably is old enough to go only three days a week. On the other hand, I feel like parenting is my responsibility, and as an attachment parent I wonder if this school thing will make the two of us less communicative or less close. I feel like I'm the mom and its my job to teach my little girl and help her learn ethics, morals, and even her alphabet. What in the world am I doing farming out that responsibility to someone else?

In the end, she's going, and her first day is Wednesday, September 5. I know that she'll have a ball, but I may have a bawl on my way home from the balance specialist. Now, I know why moms have a hard time taking kids to school for the first time. I used to think that it should be a day of celebration. For me, it will be both a celebration and a feeling of tearing away a part of myself. Good luck to all moms everywhere when they have to sever threads of the apron strings.

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