School Days. . . Already?

I should have written about this last night, but after my mammoth post about my Dr. appointment, I didn't get it in. We attended the open house for Jackie's preschool last night. She was in her element. She went right in, started playing with the toys, and had a BLAST! I however, did not have as much fun. Some of it may have had to do with the fact that I felt like the floor was going to fall out from underneath me, but I really think that it had more to do with the questions running 90 miles an hour through my mind. Is she really old enough for school? How will she get along with the other kids? What in the world am I doing sending my little girl off for someone else to watch her and teacher her 12 hours a week. It's my responsibility.

Some of these questions are absolutely ridiculous. How will she get along with the other kids? Great. She loves to play with other kids, and having 12 hours per week where she gets to hang out with kids her own age will be like a dream come true for my socially adept three year old. However, I feel that some of the other questions and reservations have merit. Is she really old enough for school? Yes, she probably is old enough to go only three days a week. On the other hand, I feel like parenting is my responsibility, and as an attachment parent I wonder if this school thing will make the two of us less communicative or less close. I feel like I'm the mom and its my job to teach my little girl and help her learn ethics, morals, and even her alphabet. What in the world am I doing farming out that responsibility to someone else?

In the end, she's going, and her first day is Wednesday, September 5. I know that she'll have a ball, but I may have a bawl on my way home from the balance specialist. Now, I know why moms have a hard time taking kids to school for the first time. I used to think that it should be a day of celebration. For me, it will be both a celebration and a feeling of tearing away a part of myself. Good luck to all moms everywhere when they have to sever threads of the apron strings.

Finding the Delicate Balance

Life is a balance. It seems like every day I'm trying to find a good balance for things. I try to balance my time I spend with my kids and the time I try to clean the house. I try to balance the time I spend on my church callings with the time that I should be spending at home, and sometimes I know that I need to practice, so I don't lose the talents that Heavenly Father has given me. In the end, life is a balance. However, I never expected to have to think about this type of balance.



So, after several sets of pictures on my brain and multiple doctors (see previous post) the Neurologist decided that I have an inner ear problem. However, I had to go in for some tests to figure out whether it's my right inner ear or my left inner ear. Here is a picture that Rob took with his cell phone of me getting my horizontal balance test. First they told me to put these glasses on and look at a certain screen. Then, the guy blew hot air in my ear for a minute, and then told me to keep my eyes open. Then he did the same thing with my other ear. Then, he did the air all over again with freezing cold air. All through this test, I felt fine. Why? Because I was sitting or laying down the whole time. However, I knew something was wrong with me, so I came back to the Dr. today hoping that some results showed up on that test. I was disappointed but not wholly surprised when the Dr. told me today that the test came out completely normal.

After telling me that the horizontal test was normal, he told me that I needed to take a vertical balance test. I put on a harness sort of like a rapelling harness, and then they clipped it to D clips. Then they set me on a platform and moved the platform underneath me while I tried to keep my balance. For awhile, it felt like one of those virtual reality roller coasters (except that the roller coaster wasn't moving in front of the screen.) It was really fun until they made me shut my eyes. When my eyes were closed, and they were testing my balance with just my inner ear, I felt like I was going to fall off the platform. The guy had to keep pushing me back on. At the end of that test, I walked back to the office, and the Dr. promptly showed me my results. My inner ear is so out of whack that my balancing abilities while using it didn't even show up on the charts.

The next step is for me to go to a balance therapist and get exercises for me to do at home, so I can actually walk without feeling like I'm going to fall down! I have an appointment with that therapist on Wednesday. I hope to do another update then. Now, the trick is to add this type of balancing act into my already precarious balance of my life.

The latest in the life of Ellie

I had a great visit to the neurologist yesterday. It was actually fun! I never thought a visit to the Dr. would be fun. Although I was dizzy and nauseaus, (I couldn't take the dizziness medicine before I went.) I really did have a good time. He had me do a series of things like close my eyes and stand up. He had me lift my arms up and put my fingers back where his were and then he had me close my eyes and do the same thing. I got to do a series of games like that. The very best part was that I actually got a real diagnosis. I have a problem with my inner ear. The Dr. said it was a simple problem with a simple solution. I have to go take an ENG and that will tell me which ear is out of balance. Then, he will give me a series of excersizes that I can do at home, so I can get my ears retrained.

He also said that it caused a migraine, and I will probably have other migraines in the future. He will give me some stuff to get me through the next ones. I love Dr.s who know what they're doing!

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder why I've been blessed with my two wonderful children and my wonderful husband. At the same time, I wonder WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HEAD?!?!?

Craziness has been going on for a long time now. It feels like I'm dizzy with severe headaches half the time, another fourth of the time I'm just fuzzy with a headache because I'm on some good drugs, and the other fourth of the time I'm OK. (This final fourth includes sleeping time.)

Whenever I'm sitting down or lying down, I'm fine but as soon as I get up--WHAMO--all bets are off. We've spent the last two and a half weeks getting tests and waiting axiously for results. After the first MRI, they said I might have an anneurism, so they sent me for an MRA. The MRA said I definaely had an anneurism, so my Dr. made me an appointment with a brain surgeon and a neurologist, in that order.

The brain surgeon looked at the films of the MRA and said, you may have an anneurysm, but we won't know for sure until we get a CT Angiogram. In the end, I don't have an anneurism, (There is a silver lining in the cloud.) but I still don't know what's wrong. I see the neurologist Monday, so I can either find out what's wrong or maybe start more tests. Yippee...

Lately, with all of this craziness with my head, my parenting is way off. The TV is doing a lot of baby sitting, and for a week and a half, I couldn't run, so chasing a 3 year old wasn't working at all. In the end, we're surviving, but I don't remember a day when the TV has been on for less than 2 hours.

So, I'm in limbo, and my life is crazy, but I still have some CUTE kids.